In two days, I leave for Palm Springs and I will be ready. I will leave knowing Sophie and Noah will be loved and cared for. I will not only show up, but I will be 100% present for myself and my dear friends. I will laugh, smile, and recharge knowing my children are feeling the love from their Daddy....and they will have him all to themselves. I will remember that a person existed for an entire 26 years before having children and I will try and find that person once again. I will acknowledge the importance of an identity other than that of a mother, but at the same time understand that I am blessed to be given such a role. I will be thankful for having a husband who understands partnership and wish him a wonderful experience during this bonding time with his children. And lastly, I will exchange the old feelings of guilt and replace them with overwhelming joy, knowing it will make me an even better mother.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Giving Myself Permission
I leave for Palm Springs in a couple of days. I still haven't packed. I'm very excited about spending quality time with good friends and enjoying time away in a beautiful place, but part of me is also overwhelmed with anxiety. Overwhelmed with the idea of leaving my children for the longest stretch since they were born. All of these feelings of guilt and worry, even though I KNOW they will be just fine. Trying to convince myself how much I desperately need this time away, but still grappling with the idea that I will not have my kids by my side. I've had these feelings before on the few getaways Tim and I have had, which have lasted no longer than two nights away from them. On each of these occasions, I like to tell myself I had a great time, but the truth is there was a part of me that was never fully present....always wondering how the kids were doing, if they were behaving, hoping they were happy. Despite checking on them and receiving confirmation that they were okay and happy, I allowed myself to continue to feel guilt and worry. All this time, I found a way to blame other reasons for having these feelings. But the truth of the matter is.....I bring these feelings on myself because somehow I have convinced myself I do not need nor deserve to enjoy my time away from my children........until NOW.
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6 comments:
Cheryl, You definitely deserve this time away and I sincerely hope you can let go and allow yourself to indulge, relax and have a GREAT time. Even if the kids aren't on their best behavior... Daddy can deal with it just like Mommy does when he was gone! I used to go away with Cricket from time to time and went through the same thing but I also don't regret the time away. Have fun!!!
Cheryl,
I am right there with you sista! You took the words right out of my mouth. We do deserve it. We work hard, and I think our husbands will also appreciate us even more after this weekend. We can all worry about our kids together, while reminiscing on beverages. Can't wait to see you. Drive safe!
Wow, that was powerful and so true...beautifully written. Here is to giving 100 percent in PS and to knowing someone else CAN and will care for our kids.
you know what...Naomi is excited to have Jeff to herself, her grandparents, and she is also going to a friend's house for a day- so it all me if I am worried, not her!
I love this the most:
"I will remember that a person existed for an entire 26 years before having children and I will try and find that person once again. I will acknowledge the importance of an identity other than that of a mother, but at the same time understand that I am blessed to be given such a role. "
Beautiful my friend.
WHAT!!!??? When are you leaving? OMG, nobody ever told me about this! Have fun!
Cheryl - Have fun! Lori and I used take weekends to San Francisco and we'd have a ball. I know she really relaxed when she got those times away. It was always embarrassing though when I had to pull her through the airport, kicking and scraming, "Please don't make me go back!" She got over that also!
OMG...Cricket, you're a piece of work!
Tim...you are hilarious!
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