We belong to a league where the score doesn't count, everyone wins, no need for stats, blah blah blah. I know it's just t-ball and I think it's great that everyone gets a chance to play and everyone gets that good feeling inside. But then the other side of me rears it's competitive head and when Sophie asks me who won, I tell her (because you know everyone else keeps score in their head!). When she asks me other rules of the game like, "Why does everyone get to run the bases even if we get them out?" I sit her down and explain the rules of the game, but also explain why the rules are different for her first year.
As you can see, I'm not a huge proponent of "everyone is a winner!" I'm more of a proponent of "do your best and regardless of the outcome (which could be win or lose), at least you can walk away knowing you've done your very best." I'm certainly not saying I disagree with the philosophy of our t-ball league because I still see the competitive fire on the girls playing on the fields next to ours. They are learning the concept of winning and losing, playing hard, accepting defeat, celebrating victory. But Tim and I are making the choice of slowly introducing her to these very important experiences that help develop our character. Esteem building is important as well, but esteem has to be based on truth and noted success. We've also noticed our little girl has a natural competitive fire and we've already dealt with it on many occasions (losing at Candyland, races to the park, who can get dressed the fastest). She HATES losing at anything and wants to know these things. We know she will keep this fire, but we also want her to learn to be a little more gracious when things don't turn out the way she wants. Or that winning doesn't mean rubbing it in.
I remember my second year of softball and I won the "Best Sportsmanship" award. Even when I wanted to cry after striking out or when I was upset we didn't win, I remember how hard it was to try and keep a positive attitude. I remember, vividly at 9-years-old, the strength it took to congratulate the other team when they ended up beating our team that day. It doesn't feel good to lose; it feels fantastic to win; it is tough when you're 9 and you feel like you failed because you struck out. But it also feels great when your teammates cheer you on, cheer you up, and play hard alongside you. Even though feelings of defeat and failure are tough, I know Sophie and Noah will experience many of these and I don't think it's too early to learn from these experiences. Should I get off my soapbox now? Go ahead, tell me I'm a hardass. Or don't...you might hurt my feelings ;)
4 comments:
I agree with you, while I love the idea of everyone getting to understand the basics I believe that children should also know how to lose and win gracefully...and to be a little competitive. Naomi has a really hard time losing. She competes in everything (she races Elmer)...to where we have to beat her or it is just unrealistic. I want her to be a winner in life and part of that means she needs to know the score.
Grammy and Goppie agree Cheryl...and we would like our grandchildren to have an attitude somewhere between Woody Hayes and Ghandi if you can manage that.
I am with you Cheryl...I am going to get on a soap box here. At time, in my previous work environment, I have had to deal with spoiled rotten early 20 somthings who have been coddled all their life by their helicopter parents, told how great they are, don't understand the concept of paying your dues and in short, have never really not gotten what they want. Teaching your kids that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose is a valuable lesson in life - and that sometimes, even though you do your best, things don't always go the way you want. In short, teaching them the concept of being bummed/disappointed is a good one in my book.
Case in point - I have a friend who teaches at Kent State that recently got an email from a parent (the child was a senior in college for pete sake) that asked her to please excuse him from his test because he had a dentist appointment. Yep, this is the generation we are going to look to to save our lives one day. Teach them well. We are depending on it.
I'm with you. I don't think it is ever to early to teach children that some win, some lose, and good sportsmanship is important, win or lose! Of course I also don't believe that when a child has a birthday all the siblings should get a gift too! And, when I played neighborhood baseball the whole outfield moved in-field when I came up to bat - what's with that?
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