WANTED: Decent Santa

I really don't ask for much when it comes to the proverbial Santa picture. Slap the kids on his lap and take a picture.....I don't get them all dressed up, I don't insist on buying the most expensive package...heck, the past two years I didn't even care that Noah cried his eyes out. But this last experience tops the rest.

First of all, Santa was grumpy. I should have known when he was slouched to the side of his chair with his head barely held up by his arm. Hmmm, good sign? And no, I did not take them to the back alley Santa.....we went to our local mall. We walk up because there is virtually no line (me being the pro that I am, made sure to go on a Tuesday afternoon) for Santa. Surprisingly, however, there are ten people waiting to pay for their photos. Not even thinking twice, we greet Santa. He did give the kids a high five, but didn't say a word. Didn't ask their names when he got on their lap. Three lightning fast pictures later, Santa is basically throwing the kids off and pointing to a basket of chocolate as a token treat. I, because I am in disbelief that it's over, walk over and stop Sophie and Noah in their tracks. I ask them if they had a chance to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas and they both shake their head "no." After giving Santa a death stare, I calmly yet firmly told Sophie and Noah to turn around and go ahead and tell Santa your name (didn't even ask their names for Pete's sake!) and what you would like for Christmas. Now I can tell Sophie's nervous because Mommy just put the smackdown on Santa and she's probably afraid he's going to just skip over our house on Christmas Eve. Finally, they express their wishlist, Santa actually responds, and we are on our way.

Now, I realize the line has barely moved and there is one person helping people pick out pictures. 45 minutes later after watching parents analyze every little detail of each proof before deciding and then not knowing how many pictures to get and which sizes to choose.....it is FINALLY my turn. I have regained my composure and asked if the system was running slow or had some sort of glitch (basically alluding to the idea that there better be a reason I am STILL here). Meanwhile, Tim took the kids to get smoothies and circled the mall at least 7 times and I watch Santa continue his jolly behavior by throwing kids off his lap. The lady tells me there's no problems with the system, but two workers just walked out on her. She did look pretty stressed out so I was cordial with her and thankfully only took about three minutes of her time.

After the whole fiasco, Tim discloses that he thought this Santa was a drunk from his observations last year and now! Really? This bit of information was so helpful after-the-fact! Needless to say, I will be scouting Santas early next year!